Man... I Cant do this Anymore.. I give up!!

These words picture the page. I sit in rage. Mad from the outcome. Am I still saved? Ah, I look around. Arms strapped across my body. Man, I done went insane. This time I acted out of anger. So regretful. In that moment I was so hateful. They ask me, "What was you thinking back there?" They must didn’t see  what I saw. I fought to change but still things stayed the same. People still judged, people still hated, people betrayed, no one getting saved, no encouragement just a bunch of debates. Was everything I was doing wrong? They act like the way I was living was a sad song. I did it all for you. Laid my life down for my friends. Still none of em changed. What did I not show them enough to believe in the One? Its been 6 years and still they're trapped. Doing the same routine on the same map. Now I done back fired. Walked up in there with a drink in my hand. "What are you doing?"

I'm rocking to the beat. Is something wrong, is my outfit to neat? I thought this was the place to be. So then tell me why it's all eyes on me? "Hey aren't you the guy that sends out those notes on facebook?" "Hey are you MrMotivation25 from twitter?" I keep it moving. I got my cup in my hand, two step; I'm just grooving. I'm trying to have me a good time. Sip..Sip.. "Man this some good wine." Looks like I'm apart of the crowd this time. Done being on the mic. No one hears me any way. This is good bye today.

So I take her home. Looks like I found me a good one. Me and her, we going to go at it all night to her favorite song. I think this is the life. Back at it baby tell me where to stop. Dang I was missing out. All those college parties. All of those hotties. What was I thinking Scotty?? I should have been living it up. Shoot everyone believes their saved and going to heaven anyway. I should have been joined this party. Club after club, drink after drink. I guess I didn’t think.. It really don’t take all of that to be saved. Hey I can just ask God for forgiveness and He'll forgive me.

Everyday living. A lot of sinning. Sometimes talking to God. Doing what I want. Messing with whoever I can. Thinking that I am the man. That’s what its all about right. "PLEASURE!!"- Doing whatever we want and asking for forgiveness at the end of the day. This is what we have come to. For one second if you thought I have stopped living and being on fire for God then this note did what it had to do. FOOL YOU! Because this is what the devil is doing. Fooling you! Will you come out of your sinful lifestyle or will you keep doing whatever you want? The choice is in your hands. Remember tomorrow is not promised and life is too short so what shall you do? My friend its time to get saved, be baptized, and start living right! I am praying for you. Keep praying for me. God has something special in store. Do you believe???

What a Love!

I want to fall so deep. Deep in love. I want to dive to the bottom of the sea. Find your treasure chest and unlock it with the key, of your heart. Our love doesn't have to be hidden. Trust me our past doesn't even matter; its forgiven. Let's go where we always dreamed of. To our fantasies. Others don't think real love exist so they diss. But you my Miss. Soon to be my Mrs. I see something for real. This isn't some original ordeal where we date to break and break to re date. This is God given love. Sent down from only the Heaven above. Its an angel and it's guardian cording together on love cords.

Listen to the music play. This is our song. *You by Jesse Powell* We're dancing. The moment so slow but so perfect. Your eyes full of the joyous tears. I wipe em away and tell you we overcame our deepest fears. We took a leap of faith. We didn't play it safe. *The record is still spinning.* All eyes on us as we both blush. Everything we thought it would be plus some more. Oh does heaven adore. They dance with us. Those pearly gates are shining down upon us. We are on one accord. Hook together for ever. *Ting ting ting.* We kiss. A Holy bliss. "Thank you God for my perfect gift!" I say to you as you spin gracefully in my arms. I never knew a love like this exist. Now I see that all those times on my knees that it was you I was praying for.

They all doubted. "Hey baby, did you see the way they all shouted?" As we walked down the aisle. It was as if we floated. Those 5 seconds felt like 5 days. Slow moment. We captured fear. We put it in the rear. Not did we just talk the talk. We walked. No longer bound to temptations. Now free to express the love that is so strong. So this honey moon. Whew!! its going to be so heavenly. Let's live as if we are the only two on earth for a week. Let us seek. Go above and beyond. Get it heated but not get so hot that something gets to cooking in the oven. Okay I'm done talking, let's get to the loving! ;)

Deep In My Sin God Snatched Me Out!!!

Deep in my sin.. The devil had me pacing.. I fell for it again.. I thought I was done.. Have I been tricked? I just wanted to have a little fun.. Why is it that, what's bad has to feel so good? If it feels good, shouldn’t it be right? Who am I to question.. I already know the answer.. Just playing dumb.. This is no rule of thumb.. I am living beneath my means.. Not in between but on the wrong side.. Now I am feeling ashamed; time to hide.. Deep.. Deep into the sea of pity.. Trapped inside a city.. Full of a lustful eye, heartaches and cry.. I needed something to heal the pain.. So, as I take a hit of the mary jane.. I maintain.. Its steady chasing me.. The past of an evil eye.. Steadily trying to kill this evil guy.. The smoke hasn’t cleared.. Its like the same thing.. Year after year..

I have fallen.. Fallen so deep.. Deep.. Deep away.. Cast into the darkness of the day.. See, when the lights out I am fine.. It is late at night that gets me every time.. The demons come ah creeping.. Sex and drugs come ah peeking.. Peeking right into my sight.. Its not even a temptation when I dive right in.. Cant call me a fish if I don’t have a fin.. So, I sink.. Sink right to the bottom.. When I wake up its like I hear the devil say, "I already got em" I know I need help.. But what's the point of asking for help if I'm not going to change.. Now I'm just sitting here feeling crazy and derange..

Im young.. But how much longer can I keep using this as an excuse to keep living how I want? I said by the time I got to the age I am at now that I wouldn’t be living the same.. Looks like I'm doing the same thing.. Hmm pretty much insane because I'm getting the same results.. This is a life long test.. I know I'm not passing.. Because I'm not giving my best.. When its all said it done.. When they lay me down to rest.. What will my legacy be? What will I be remembered by.. A smoker? A cheater? A liar? An alcoholic? A back stabber? Fake? Back Slider?

One step away from my darkness turning into day.. I been praying.. But at the same time I just been saying.. Just talking and not enough walking.. So, here I am on these bended knees.. Reaching out for Your Holy hand.. All I need is one lift this time.. I wont make a promise that I will not sin.. But I will make a promise that I will give you my all until the end.. Here I am friend.. Laying down my life for real this time.. Because this time could be the last time and if it’s the last time then it’s the right time.. Its time to stay right.. Day and night I am putting up my fight.. Holy Ghost protect me.. Grace comfort me.. Mercy forgive me.. God you're all I have.. Thank you for putting me back on the right path!!!!